The abyss called memories
by Okamis Fia
Summary: Basically England has fallen ill and his body has taken a toll due to the country going into havoc. So who's left to save him? Our hero of course. (A lemon in chapter 5 but you can read without).
1. Chapter 1

_so I'm sorry for mmistakes ect. I haven't written fanfic in a few years... this was based off both England leaving the EU (not majorly based) and a doujinshi I read (again it was lightly based ) so I used it for inspiration. I don't know how many chapters there will be but I would love reviews ~ have a good day! Disclaimer, I don't own hetalia or the characters._

During the early morning, just as the sun light leaked through the windows and crawled their way onto the furniture, heating the trail it left. A dull blonde male; who wore a scrawny body, riddled with scars and an unforetold past laid, rested in bed. Yet something was peculiar with the male. He had brisk movements, one which showed panic. His body was mimicking his sheets, twisted and out of place, showing discomfort. Sweat poured from every pour, nevertheless it wasn't from pleasure, it was from a searing pain of the male's heart and even though he was sweating profoundly, his lips were chapped, cracking from dehydration.

This gentleman was also known under the title of England. Of course, he was known by other under the names of thinks like the UK, United Kingdom or Arthur Kirtland. However, unlike the titles he is placed under, he wasn't at his normal personality of being an aggressive, bad language, straight forward man.

Yes, this normally lively nation, was turned into a pathetic state of a quivering mess being haunted by his past and future. Recently, England (pursuing the wishes of his boss) had decided that the best thing for himself and his people was to leave the EU. Despite this, the country took a large turn and the mess which was left for them to clean up was too great of a toll on Arthur's body, sending him straight into a sea of darkness, filled with affliction and torment. Due to bring a country and not technically human, the doctors could only suggest that he was bed ridden until his body could once again cope with the pressure and loss. Yet, the future showed a lack of hope when each candidate was suddenly leaving, not wanting to clean up each others mess and themselves not being able to answer the crowd of the country.

So, all the male could do was allow his body to be soaked into the warmth of the sun, while sinking deeper into the abyss of his mind. Releasing a silent plea to the world, and unconsciously asking for the one person he would never admit to wanting.

'America~'

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Across the other side of the world was a younger male, one who was the opposite to Arthur, while still being a county, he was blessed with golden tanned skin and honey hair to match. He spotted a brown bomber jacket, embroidered with the number 50 across the back. His personality was one often compared to a child's, with his way of not being able to read the situation, and taking the majority of things as a joke with no real intention, it was easy to recognise him for these things among the other nations. This was no other than the hero among the nations, The United States of America.

To his dismay and in contrast to his personality he found himself behind a large amount of paper work (mostly from him putting in off to do other business, mainly video games).

Mumbling incompetent words and a string of curses to his boss, he settled the pen in his hand once more, trying to find a more comfortable position in order to prevent blisters.

When a obnoxious ring interrupted his train of thought, and after a deathly glare was shot at said phone, he took it upon himself to answer it.

"What do you want? Wasn't it you who wanted me to slave away and do work all day?" He rambled, leaving no word for interjection.

"Really, if I should be forced to do this then I want food, and not just any! I want burgers! 10... no, not enough, 25!... What?" Nearing the end of his speech, he was captured by surprise, for the mess he received wasn't one he was expecting, nor did he want it.

Hopping out of his chair and brushing past stacks of papers, , sending them into whirlpools. He scurried to find his hat before discovering it and placing it on his head, and rushing out of the door, leaving disaster in his after math.

Though there was only one thought rushing through his head.

'Don't leave me again, you bastard'

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Back to the Englishman, he was plagued by an old memory. Although it wasn't a bad memory, no this was one he actually held dear to his heart, saving it .

After closing his eyes, he suddenly had an urge to open them again, which was unusual. After all, only moments ago he was desperate for a peaceful sleep. Upon opening his eyes, he was somewhere he knew, yet at the same time he didn't. From the looks of the area, he was in the kitchen, his own to be precise. Yet there was something off about this, it wasn't the kitchen he had now , no it was one he had owned almost 5 centuries ago (idk when America was born or how old England is so I'm guessing =_= correct me at will).

"Hey! England, the scones are going to burn!"

Funnily enough, if he thought his ears had betrayed him, then his sight did too. There, standing in the door way of the kitchen, was a tiny America. One which showed his youth and nation in the body of a child. One which he looked after and raised, until that day.

"England? Are you ok?" America muttered in worry, not knowing what was wrong with the person he cared for.

"Ah! I'm sorry America, my mind was away with the fairies, I do hope you accept my apologies." Crouching down to the child, he mustered his best smile in an attempt to get rid of the worry in the child and uncertainty in himself.

"But England..." The smaller nation looked to the side.

"hmm?"

"The scones..."

And with that only one word was left present in the older country's mind.

Shit.


	2. Chapter 2

_so just before this chapter starts, I want to say that I don't know how old America and England are and that I don't know when burgers came around. But what I do know is that I can't imagine America without one. Have a nice day~_

~ a little later (just imagine burnt food and unicorns during the skip)

"England? Are you sure this is what they call delicious?"

And in that one moment tick marks could be seen on the gentle man.

"oi, what the bloody hall are you talking about? Of course –"

"Well as long as you made them, I will eat them! " America beamed, producing a wide smile to show his happiness and innocence to the man.

And although he will never tell another soul, this was another thing which drawn him in to America. The child held so many memories to the man, even though he was definition of impure and the darkest colour (stained by his past). He always saw America as pure, white and one which held hope for the future. So was it wrong of him for wanting to keep that to himself? That he wanted to hold hi-

"You're doing it again." The infant poured, looking off to the side, leaning his head on his hand.

"On? And what would that be?" Although Arthur could probably guess, he still found it to be amusing to infuriate the nation. May he be 6 or 600.

"Staring off into space again and ignoring me! Geez... wait, if I'm correct that man said people only do that when... but we're not humans, so does that still apply?" America rambled on, Arthur looking at him in amusement and curiosity, before the child slammed his hands into the table, lifting himself up and looking Arthur dead in the eyes. This continued for a couple of minutes before the boy for out of his seat and yanked the man down by his collar. Creating a Collison between their heads and before he could protest the young nation sighed and leant back.

"You don't seem too warm."

"Were you worried?" A smile slowly crept up on the blonde mans face.

"of course I wasn't!" Yet in contrast to his words, a blush crawled across his skin, burning to the tips of his ears.

"Well, while you squabble on how worried you are for me, I'll go make us some tea, hmm?"

Rising up from the table, he grinned like a mad man, this was the America he wanted to remember.

"Wait England ! Don't step there I left my burger-!"

Or maybe this wasn't the one he wanted, as he slipped backwards and hit his head off the sofa of the table. Really, why the hell was there a burger?!


	3. Chapter 3

"Will you stay still?!"

"This is your fault you know! Who leaves a burger on the floor any way?" Arthur groaned, placing his hand back on his head in attempt to force the throbbing pain away. He was currently laying down in his bed after being persuaded (forced) by America .

" I already said I'm sorry." And he could tell. The boy was riddled with guilt and worry, shown through out his body language of looking away and fiddling fingers. Even his eyes had pricks of tears in them. All in all, the child was too cute for his own good.

After slipping in the burger, England was quite close to hitting his head off the table and knocking himself unconscious, fortunately this was not the case and the man only received a mild swelling. Though this did nothing in soothing the worry in America and causing the child to nurse him back to fill health.

Looking back at the child, properly this time, he saw the weariness in his movements, how this 'nursing' was taking a roll on his body. Yet in every movement he still have his best. From trying to drain the water from the cloth (which was still always soaking) and then placing it on to his head with his best precision.

Deciding that enough was enough he grabbed his tiny sleeve and gently tugged to grasp the boys attention.

"America, why don't you go to bed?"

The phrase seemed to cause the other male to hesitate, his body tending.

"No..."

"hmm?"

"No, I don't need to sleep." America stated firmly.

"But you're obviously tired, I'll be fine don't worry about me." Arthur even mustered his best smile once more, yet this one held more honesty. And still, it only caused Alfred's grown to deepen.

"I promised to look after you and I will! Because when ever you're ill or in need I'll be there ! I'll be there to save you, just like you saved me. So listen up!"

Too shocked to reply, Arthur just tilted his head up to look into his eyes, finding a strong combat blue, filled with determination.

"I will never leave you Arthur, we will stay together forever and ever. I will protect you and you'll protect men and one day I'll grow up to be a hero, your hero. Just like you're mind."

 _Lies_

"So what do you say?"

 _All of them._

"I'll never leave you."

 _You always were the worst liar of them all._


	4. Chapter 4

_**so i was thinking of turning the rating on this and adding a lemon. .. have a good day ~**_

How much he wanted those words to be true would be an understatement to any word he placed it to. He felt a surge of happiness, one from the affection being shown to him. The other from the thought of never being alone. Yet in a twisted sense, he knew it was nothing more than a hollow promise, a word without any meaning. No, he was always going to be alone, even if he didn't know it right there and then. What mattered is that he knew it now.

Yet that didn't stop him desperately reaching out to the boy in an attempt to grasp him and hold him close. But as he reached forward, confusion still placed on the child's face, the image started to switch. Switch between the child and the adult. The adult he would dare call his own Alfred. And as his vision settled, his hand finally landed on the male. No longer a kid, no this was the one who betrayed him not long after, the one who broke his heart and still took every chance to get back at him.

Still that didn't stop him from questioning if this was still a dream or not.

Because he prayed to some sort of power out there that it was.

His hand roughly yanked at the taller males jacket, shaking him a little. Both were confused as to what was happening. And as he let go, he couldn't help but feel a sense of regret in doing so.

"America..." Arthur whispered gently.

"I –"

"You idiot! Do you know how worried I was? Why didn't you tell me this was happening?! I thought you relied on me, now look at –" Alfred rambled on, no different to the child. His eyebrows were creased in anger with a hint of concern and eyes heavy with a lack of sleep, but didn't hold back from the fire within them.

Arthur didn't bother listening anymore, instead he chose to just watch his lips move, taking in his every movement and perfection. The way his sweat made his hair stuck to his forehead, showing the rush he went through. His body, tense, just limited from bursting with the clench of his hands.

"...and to think I rushed all the –"

"Shut up. I don't need you-" England interrupted only to find it too painful to continue.

-to take care of me, you care too much idiot.

Unfortunately the sentence was never finished and with what England did say, more fuel was poured in Alfred's fire, more than someone ever should have.

"Don't need me? For crying out loud England can you not just stop being so arrogant for one God damn moment?" America was fuming, how dumb was he. To say he doesn't need him. Damn him to hell. Because he would show him how much he needed him. Just like how much he needed England.


	5. Lemon warning

**This is a sort of extra chapter containing lemon, I don't want to make people read it and I apologise for mistakes but the next chapter is up straight after this. Have a good day.**

"Listen to me you British bastard. I always knew you were arrogant and stubborn, but can't you read the atmosphere... no, of course you don't."

The Brit was actually half asleep, in fact, his eyes were half lidded and his breathing was heavy. Yet this did nothing to stop the American on placing his hand next to his head. Tilting his head, he lowered himself until they were barely bumping noses. And before Arthur could register what was happening , Alfred smashed his lips against his own. Capturing them in a searing kiss, one which was engraving itself into his memory. It was suffocating, the lack of oxygen caused him to start panting and when he managed to open his mouth to inhale, Alfred decided to plunge his tongue into the cavern. Not being able to comprehend what was going on and if it was still a dream or not. The English man still welcomed the fingers which grazed their way under his shirt. Rewarding the younger man with a whimper. No, he didn't care if it was, he would accept it anyway.

Finally opening his eyes (he never actually realised he had closed them) he gazed into the azure eyes, they were endless, filled with raw emotions of anger, lust and dare he say it, love. And with that their lips dragged away from each other. This didn't stop Alfred from capturing Arthur's lower lip and softly nibbling on it before releasing it.

For Arthur , this was all a dream, something which would never happen in reality. But to Alfred it was reality, it was real and he wasn't letting go of it. No, both were refusing to let go.

Deciding for the both of them, Alfred rushed with steady hands and unbuttoned his own shirt, exposing Arthur's hands. He then proceeded in lifting Arthur's dress shirt over his head, a little help was given by the male underneath by arching his back while the shirt glides off his body. Again, they were sent into silence, small pants could still be heard between them. Yet neither cared. They were taking in each other appearances, after all it has been too long. Too long of fantasizing.

More so, Alfred took the first move again, going straight below Arthur's jaw line. Leaving Arthur to feel small heated pants of breath there before he was not with small bites filled with a mixture of pain and pleasure. From the brisk movements, the hands which were still placed on Alfred's torso were dragged down his abs to his lower stomach. Dipping into his v line. Leaving a track of red lines in their path. This of course caused Alfred to release Arthur's neck and grit his teeth.

"Gentle now England, we wouldn't want me to be too dominant now, would we?" His eyes were daring, even with what he said, he showed no hesitation in going through with it anyway.

England only turned his head to the side and whimpered, sending a half lidded side glance. Which of course did nothing to help America's arousal.

Dipping his head back down, Alfred started peppering Arthur with kisses. Down his back, nipples, chest and down to his stomach, nearing the boarder of his pants. Before he gazed up at the other male. And once again, azure eyes clashed with emerald. No this wasn't the time to be teasing.

Dragging up himself back up to be level with England, he gave an intense state. Only for Arthur to reflect his with confusion. And before the latter could question, his mouth had a whole other reason to open. Alfred dropped his hips to Arthur's and slowly grinded, testing the waters. This caused both males to groan in want, the heat too real, and the sensational power was too pleasurable. This was just what they wanted.

"Hngg, Al, Alfred, please."

Nodding the younger blonde agreed.

Quickly stripping both from their underwear, the friction only grew between them. The heat from the lower bodies touching was too much, and if they weren't too careful then one of them would come too quickly.

Reaching out, Alfred was trying to search for some sort of lubrication before a hand came out to join him, pointing him towards the second draw. And there it was . Looking back in surprise the young male sent a questioning look.

"I get lonely."

Neither wanted to hang on much longer to that sentence, no this wasn't the place.

Gently, America lubed his fingers and Arthur before gently inserting one finger. For Arthur the pain was right, hot and raw. Yet there was a strange sense of pleasure to it all, one he found himself succumbing to.

Adding another finger, America felt Arthur start to ease up and allow his fingers to pass easily. Soon enough, he deemed England to be ready.

Placing both one head next to Arthur's head he place the other one on his check before, sliding himself in. Even with the preparation, Arthur still felt pain when Alfred entered as he was far larger than what he was expecting. But this was accompanied by white hot pleasure. His back arched and he had no control over his body, specially the moans he released. Although Alfred was quieter, it didn't mean he wasn't struggling. No, he let of harsh puffs of breath. The way Arthur was clenching him, he wouldn't last very long.

And just like that, moans of names or mumbles of sweet pleasures passed through the air, followed by the sound of skin against each other. They were soon brought to their release, as Alfred caught hold of the back of Arthur's head and dragged him into a sweet kiss.

And just as fast as it started, it ended, Alfred took himself out and rolled to the side of Arthur.


	6. Chapter 6

**This is the last one, I might do an extra chapter of the next day but that depends ^^ thank you for reading and have a good day~**

Staring up at the ceiling, Alfred regained his breath and quietly thought about what all this has meant.

"I wasn't lying when I said I was worried, we've never been as close as we were before that was. But that doesn't mean I can live with out you." His eyebrows furrowed.

"You were always the one protecting me, I just wanted to stand next to you and show you that I'm no longer a child." Getting frustrated from the silence, he turned on his sides to face the brit.

"Haven't you been liste-"

A soft snore could be heard, stating the fact that England had returned to slumber land and hadn't heard the American at all.

And maybe that was a good thing, after all England was still unwell and needed as much rest as possible.

At this moment Alfred took it upon himself to gaze at the smaller male. Gently sliding his hair away from his forehead. And gently he placed a kiss there.

 _There's always tomorrow to tell you that I love you._


	7. Epilogue

Epilogue... the morning after

Twisting to his side, Alfred found the space next to him vacant. Which meant one of two things: one that Arthur wasn't strong enough to pull through causing his country to fall and therefore him disappearing, or two, that he had pulled through and had gotten his strength back, meaning he was somewhere else in the building.

Hoping it was the latter, Alfred quickly jumped out of bed, only to stumble upon the realisation that he wasn't wearing any clothes. And as fast as they had disappeared, the memories of the night's events returned. Most would've thought this would cause the young blonde to have confusion or be conflicted, yet he was neither. He knew what had happened and he knew that to him it wasn't something he regretted. No this was something he wanted to happen again, minus Arthur being ill. He wants to grow from where they are now and turn into what he could only hope for.

With this in mind he took it upon himself to get dressed before going on a hunt for the older male. Putting son his underwear and trousers , deeming himself suitable to go around the house in ( he couldn't care less about wearing a top). He visited various places around the building before setting off for the kitchen, but not before mentally prepare himself. Yes, the brit loves cooking, but the fact was the males was also terrible at it, he couldn't even cook his own traditional food.

And he was right, there he was, apron tied around his small waist, with overly large oven gloves on holding an unsurprising batch of burnt scones.

Although this seemed rather familiar to him. He couldn't place it but he felt as though this has happened before.

Weird.

Arthur had been sent into a state of shock when he had first woke up. Of course he had woken up naked with no memories of what had happened in the days which he was ill. To add to this, he had woken up next to America, who as well, was also naked. And being a clever man, he easily put two and two together. His reaction was the opposite of Alfreds. No, he didn't want this. He didn't want to be hurt again, to be held then left alone. He wouldn't get attached.

So he decided the best thing to do was to get up and cook, to ease himself and once America was down with him, he would bring up the conversation.

But now that the said male was here, he didn't know how to start it.

"Arthur..."

"Ah, Alfred. Would you like to take a seat? I just made scones."

"burnt them."

"what? Did you say something?" No he had heard what the American had dared to say, but chose this was not the time to get rowdy.

"I asked if I could have some coffee?"

Like always, you're a liar.

"Tea it is then"

"No I said-"

But England took no notice, to him this was the only way to lighten the atmosphere. Once the tea and (after a long period of arguing and fake mishearing) the coffee were made, both nations took a seat in front of each other, holding their drinks.

Alfred spoke first, no longer hesitating, but wanting to push through this.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine, i suppose. I haven't for my fever any more but there are still some small side effects."

"Ah, that's good then."

And for a second time, the room fell into silence.

"Hey, Arthur?"

"Hmm?"

"Do, do you remember anything?" And what ever fear had left him, had suddenly came back with full force. He No longer wanted to look at Arthur and instead opted to gaze into the black abyss of his coffee.

"No." Just like him to be straight forward

"Ah I –"

"But it doesn't mean I can't put two and two together." England sighed, taking a gentle sip of his tea before letting go completely

"So what do you want to do about it?"

'Because I want to be by your side and grow closer to you' Is what he wanted to say.

"I want to forget that it has ever happened." His answer was cruel, his eyes were cold and the worst thing was.

He wasn't lying.


End file.
